Change .

Change. A word as simple as it is. Yet we are so afraid of it, at least I am; or at least I WAS.

This article was a draft for 3 months, when a series of  “changes” were taking place. Back then I wasn’t able to put my words together , for I was myself in a deep shit of confusion. Apparently I was somewhere related to metathesiophobia or in simple words you can say ; the fear of change. Was trying or thinking to do whatever I could to prevent that not caring about whether it was right or wrong. Ignoring the things which shouldn’t be ignored. Not taking stand on things on which one should take stand on. And all for what ? To prevent a simple ,needed, fu#%ing change.

By  the grace of God and some important people in my life, I finally feel like I am big. Not mature. No one ever is. Sitting alone, thinking about stuff, analyzing yourself and listening to people who matter can really help you clean your shit up. It doesn’t have to be so systematic and mechanical if you got afraid of the phrase ” Analyse yourself”. Because I do.So lets come up with ” SELF INTROSPECTION”. Less scary?

So, the thing is people, that sometimes changes are needed to be done. For the betterment of you. Not for anyone else. Just you. The process will be painful. Its true. But the life isn’t a bed of roses. Apology for not coming up with a less cliched line. But you get what I mean. 

And speaking of changes, I think I did some in the past few weeks and last night. You know about the feeling when you are so scary of a roller coaster ride, and then summon up the courage and go for it. The  feeling after the ride, and the will to do it again? This is that feeling.  

Just one more thing . I promise.

Ever imagined how double standard we are when it comes to “change”?

Consider, we don’t like a certain behavior or habit of a person. And we want them to change that. Ever noticed that at times when they DO stop behaving like that or stop that particular habit, it really bothers us and pisses us off that why is he suddenly so weird and why is this and why is that? Humans are weird species with weird minds . Think about that.

 

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No whereabouts of the time this is gonna take to break

I will bear;

For he ,who has enchanted me

has my soul, my mood, my mind

I will bear;

Till the end of all eternity and beyond.

 

Won’t try to justify

for one should serve oneself the prime

and aftermath, the enchanter;

Breaking free from all bonds of recitence

Surrendering to the desire. 

 

Letting Go. These two words,we heard a lot ,we said a lot ,but never really done it.At some point or the other,we all have wished there were a memory card in all of our brains, so that whenever something bad comes up ,you can immediately delete it. 

BUT IS IT WHAT WE REALLY WANT?

Whenever we say about moving on or letting go of someone or something, there is a still a little part of you who actually doesn’t want to. Which is FINE. We constantly torment ourselves mentally for the things which we can’t control . 

It is COMPLETELY FINE if its hard. Its completely fine if you can’t move on in one go, because NO ONE IN THIS WORLD REALLY DOES. Be happy you haven’t got the memory card. Having cheerful and disturbing memories makes you who you are. Carry both the babies , give equal importance to each. You throw away the sad one , you get yourself in the world of delusions and sheer imaginations.

But there is just one difference. Never hold on to the sad one for too long.Let it free and roam around, learn from it , make yourself better, march forward towards your next goal. 

You would hear about people attending psychiatrists and psychologists to get their head cleared out of depression or almost depressions. On some people this works and on some people doesn’t. Why do you think they feel light after attending their sessions?

Those guys don’t have wands or magic spells that could  work on you. They don’t provide you instant anti-depressant potions.  The only thing they do is listen carefully and then present you the reality. They just make a difference between how you see the world and how the world actually is. 

SO, instead of  wearing your mind out by continuously trying to moving on or letting go, just accept it what it is, carry yourself forward and have a real story to tell to the mini-yous. 

Its 26th January, and many of you wouldn’t know that with along with India’s republic another event took place on this day, and that was the birth of a mutant named Swaraj Kumar Mohapatra . 

Technically he is a  human, but his behaviour are far from one. He can be as weird as you can think and as unpredictable and @$$#%)&lic you can imagine. But at the end you can’t deny the fact that he is a life saviour. I honestly don’t know how does he have the capability and the strength to just push people to be their better version, and still take no credit. 

This person is  the reason I am writing in here. Its been just six months since we met and there is so much to know about each other ahead.  But does time actually count the strength of the bond? I think not. Sometimes it takes years to know someone better and sometimes just one moment is enough.

 You would notice some guys want cars and bikes and all other materialistic stuff, but he is one of those people who actually seek for respect. Sometimes  our minds twin and sometimes go in totally opposite direction, but in the end , we always find our way back to each other.

I love him. Not in the way you all would think. Its just something else , which is certainly beyond any explanation and is ordinarily extraordinary.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU ASSOHOLIC ENDUA.

I hope this year started on a positive note for all you people , but it started on a very weird and confusing note for me. If observed keenly, I can tests conducting on my relationships with my friends , environment changing , feelings changing . May be it had to happen this way. 

God or whoever you believe in has challenged my emotions with my biggest fear and that is CHANGE. Initially I was so afraid of all this, but after a lot and a lot of thinking and a sleepless new year night I got to a conclusion . 

Half of my life has been spent in me trying to fit in and go with the choices which would make others happy. That is another fact that I get really satisfied by seeing them happy. But for now lets concentrate on just you, which doesn’t mean to shut people out or behave outrageously. This means not compromising on who you are for others. Let them see the real you. If they respect and accept the real you its amazing. If not, then it was never meant to be.

Its been weeks since I wrote anything. Perhaps all this time I was busy searching for topics to write upon. If you would go through my life for the past month, you would find almost ten to fifteen drafts both typed and hand-written . But none of them were as intriguing as I wanted them to be.

It was yesterday, when it suddenly dawned on me, that I didn’t need to find something extraordinary to quench my thirst, instead those are the little things that happen day to day in my life which make my life extraordinarily ordinary.

Yesterday was bestfriend’s birthday, and within no time almost all her friends reached the venue to celebrate.And she being the obnoxiously beautiful drama queen made a grand entrance to the venue. Yesterday,  I backed off for a short period of time just to watch her , how she runs and dances and jumps just like a little baby. That moment was something which  would just crash up all the moments when I achieved something, her smile was everything. 

When I looked around I saw people who really mattered and who made my life intriguing and no less than a rollercoaster. Apart from those , when I saw beside me , there was my other bestfriend. Well he isn,t my bestfriend , he is just something more, not romanticizngly more, who was humphing with his artificial anger when I smashed cake on his face, threatening me to chew my nose off. Seeing him just makes my day , and seeing him with his artificial anger just makes my day even more . 

There are two girls who love me like a wife, there is a guy who wants to chew my nose off, there is a small circle of people in my life ,who  shower snowflakes of love on me everyday. And that is when I realized that this is what I am ever gonna need. No over luxurious life , no need to become popular. Coz I now realize what a kingsize life feels like.

Most of us often repulse from the things that somehow affected us in the past. 

Take a simple instance; if a person rode a bike and then got in an accident, then for months or may be years, he would avoid riding, just to be on the safer side. 

Take me for instance,  I had fear of camels coz I fell off of one.. and for years that tiny fear grasped me.  But one day I summoned  all my strength and climbed up a camel with a mind determined enough to never loosen the grip. That day I was the queen of the world. 

See?  If such a tiny thing would help get us our confidence back.. So why not take the bigger ones and get happy like never before? 

Our fear of getting  over someone is even stronger than any other,  coz an emotional scar has a much more impact than any physical scar. 

So what? If some relationships didn’t  work out,  they don’t have to be lovers exclusively…  I am talking about all the relationships in general,  with friends, with parents or even with your dog. 

Some things aren’t  just meant to be.  

So what should we do to find the right one? …  Take risks. 

After all you have got only one life?  What worse could happen if we just take our coward cloaks off?  To actually  move on.. And not get stuck to the past..?  To make our story  worth telling?  To  be remembered not just by our achievements, but also be remembered  by the person we are? 

Don’t be afraid of new people, just because earlier some people shut you out.   May be you were meant to be with them,  after all. 

 

 

Its okay.  Its okay to feel low about yourself sometimes,  because that is what triggers you to look and grab new opportunities.

Its okay to cry sometimes when you are scared because that is when you drain out some of your pain and fear and decide to move on and on.

Its okay  not to always know what are you going to do in life ahead, because sometimes its the spontaneity  that takes you to places. 

Its okay to do what you love,  even if for a short period of time,  because that’s what brightens our days even in the toughest times. 

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